SUPER-CRAPNESS.. i really cant take it animore..
before i actually write whats on my mind.. gonna do a general update..
Q: y have i not been updating my blog?
A: its b'cos i've been busy with band-camp like a few days ago.
CAMP = NO COM/LAPTOP = NO UPDATES
WELL.. the camp was alryte.. pretty relax (for me) cos all i did was to take care of the sec1s.. did foot-drills with them. did sectionals. did combine. played games n etc...
yeah... sleepless nites fer me.. MacDonald's for late night supper.. prata on one occasion.. being an alumni when it comes to camps, its the best thing ever.. though u have a responsibility to carry out, its not as heavy as u tot it wuld be compared to the responsibility the main band have.. well.. whatever.. i'm blabbering like nobody's business..
moving on... after camp [which was on monday] went to the nearby Mac to hav our lunch.. yeah..
I'M SERIOUSLY NOT GONNA TALK BOUT WHAT HAPPEN THERE HERE.. though i seemed happy.. I'M NOT.. i felt disturbed.. seriously disturbed... EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED.
F***!
urgh! man.... the feeling was like as if my heart was being stabbed... sobs.. aniways...............
so.. being disturbed, i went off to the shop to buy drinks.. n i went to Aslam.. din intend to go back to where i sat.. cos sitting there jus gonna make me feel much more worst.. when i was with aslam... i seriously felt like bursting.... u know tat feeling where u are so sad tat u jus dun feel like crying? it feels like its coming out but u jus cant let it out...? well.. that was exactly how i felt.. my nose felt this tingling yet painful twitch... well..
I DIDNT CRY FYI... so all i did was sat with bro till the GIRLS went home.. n then i went back to my seat..
OH CRAP! I KNEW IT!
fuck!
thats the only word tat ran thru my mind each time i see tat person's face... well.. that word just ran thru my mind.. n now it jus ran thru my mind again... n now, again...
i'm gonna stop cursing... whats the use.. URGH!
n so i went back to my seat.. sat...... talked... i din talk much.. then off we went to Jin's house... at nite.. we went to the airport to send her off... she's going back to Korea... after that, went airport's Mac.. ate.. talked... crapped... n went home... thru'out the whole journey from Bedok Reservoir's Mac till Airport's Mac, i was stuck to Cai Yu.. dun ask me y... i felt so comfortable being with her.. it felt like as if she was my younger sis... some ppl the way of thinking jus pisses me off.. they think i'm trying to hit on her...
PLEASE LAH! hit on her? super shallow man...
so.. went home.. super tired.. bathed n slept.. thats all ah.. i'm too lazy to write wad i did lately..
WANNA KNOW WHATS ON MY MIND?
i din know people n time could change someone else's mind.. i seriously do not know this feeling in me..
i'm gonna do this step by step..
1STLY.. i've finally realise that time can CHANGE their mind... ESP when it comes to relationship, being committed to what u've sed n changing it after time.. i jus hate myself.. i feel like as if i was never forgiven.. i feel like as if i WAS NEVER good enough for someone.. HEY... different ppl different character am i right..? for some ppl.. the character just STINKS! u dont realise it yet u still wanna 'berlagak'.. n for some ppl.. they try to change as much as they can.. but when they've changed.. to other ppl, it seems as if he/she never change... no mean to brag.. but take me as an example... ask the ppl who know me for at least 3 yrs now... this is the quote i gav someone..
"everybody changes n i happen to be one of them who have changed."
ppl tend to be blinded by the change jus because we're once a best fren of that particular someone... or... jus because u have gone steady with that someone..
RELATIONSHIP kills FRIENDSHIP.. be it 2nd-degree relationship or 3rd-degree relationship/friendship.... realise i din put frenship on the 2nd-degree realtionship?
aniways.. as i was saying... it kills me deep inside to be felt like wad i've mention above... giving chances..?? not even close... sighs...
2NDLY.. to my close ones... [U KNOW WHO YOU ARE] it also hurt alot for me tat YOU din tell ME what u know... i mean fer things tat i shud really know...
I DONT MIND IF U WOULD HAVE TOLD ME EARLIER... BUT, WAITING TILL I REALISE WITH MY OWN TWO EYES THEN YOU TELL ME..? OR IN MATTER OF FACT, U KEPT IT AWAY FROM ME?
SO MUCH OF ME APPRECIATING YOU LIKE MY OWN.. LOOK.. if you are not sincere in having this godsibling relationship with me, SAY SO! i gave my best to be the best elder godbro ever... n what i've got in return was to have you to not trust me? i've no doubt tat i'm doing a super fine job! it hurts ALOT! only god knows how i'm feeling.. i felt cheated; used..
LISTEN UP TO WHOEVER IS READING THIS
IF U'R OFFENDED BY WHAT I'VE SAID.. I'M NOT GONNA APOLOGISE COS THIS IS MY BLOG..
I SAY WHAT I WANNA SAY...
MY blog = MY rights
if you're not happy [OR BESAR BESAR TERASE SAMPAI TAK SADAR DIRI n think that you're so much of a BIG-SHOT].. jgn prasan la ehk... kalau yg tak puas hati tu... COME TO ME.. WE'LL TALK.. unless u'r admitting that u'r such a big-headed coward till you dont even dare to face-up with me... i hav no problems with ur admits.. i'm more than willing to listen to hear u say that to yourself n to me.. i'll be waiting..
like WTF... THIS IS AFTER ALL MY BLOG...