I do not get it.
I just do not get it.
Just what exactly makes me feel the way I feel each time similar things happen?
What actually pulled the pulley and rubbed everything against the rusty fulcrum?
I have been telling myself not to get easily affected.
Jealousy is totally out of the point, just for the record.
It is really getting on my nerve.
I felt replaced.
I felt substituted.

I sighed, wistfully and forlornly, hoping again hope,
to stay in this limbo of joy and belonging forever.
I used the wrong word, 'forever'.

I was there for a reason.
I wanna feel like home again.
You know, fuzzy feeling that God is willing to offer.
But when you walked through that much-used door,
a simple, or rather distinct gesture conveyed across,
hitting the wrong target,
all I could feel was nothing but like a bruised ship sinking slowly into the cold ice.
Sigh.
It was never an opportunity that I am able to seize.

I must say that I have rather been quite to myself lately.
I do not see the point of sharing it anymore.
I do not see the point of trying to make things right.
I do not see the point of shaping it nicely and waiting for it to fall upon.
Cos it will never happen.
I repeat, will never happen.

People always say that patience is a virtue.
When faced with insurmountable setbacks and much disappointment,
patience is no longer a virtue; in my case.
I would rather give up altogether.

Those carefree laughters that accompanied every single image, that went fleeting pass.
It is gone now.

If I fall, I will know how to stand on my own two feet again.

Much love,
Khai