You see,
since day ONE.
All I wanted you to do is to put yourself into my shoes.
That is all.
I don't need lenghty posts.
I don't need words to be indirectly thrown at me.
I don't need anything.
For all that is already stored in my mind.
Just stop whatever it is that you are doing.
Drop that phone. Reject those calls.
Just stop.
Sit on your bed and close your eyes.
Put yourself into my shoes.
Done it?
Then try harder.
Do it till you can fit those puzzle pieces together
and learn why I have been reacting this way.
since day ONE.
All I wanted you to do is to put yourself into my shoes.
That is all.
I don't need lenghty posts.
I don't need words to be indirectly thrown at me.
I don't need anything.
For all that is already stored in my mind.
Just stop whatever it is that you are doing.
Drop that phone. Reject those calls.
Just stop.
Sit on your bed and close your eyes.
Put yourself into my shoes.
Done it?
Then try harder.
Do it till you can fit those puzzle pieces together
and learn why I have been reacting this way.
I am not in any of my "he-bitch" moment for your information. Of course there are certain things that I don't wish to type it here. Because almost everybody is reading it. Watching my move from afar.
So, why risk typing it here and have your army to stand guard, in position, ready to bring the enemy down? Because no matter what the circumstances are, I am going down still. It is just like watching Power Rangers. No matter how strong the monster is, the troopers will always win. Give this a thought. Just what army do I have? (Read in between the lines)
I can never stress this out much more.
I have never talked this out to anybody but myself.
Analyse the people around me. The people I always hang out with. I do open up to them, but in such situations, I don't because I feel awfully uncomfortable. I do blog it out but how much can a blog do? It is just a platform to store thoughts and mere words. A blog can't talk to me and suggest alternatives. A blog can't give a pat on my shoulders and say it is going to be alright.
I am breaking down just typing this out. Because my feelings/words are all converted into a silent note the moment it reaches their ear drums. No matter how significant it becomes.
To many, just ask them (And I mean anybody). Between you and me. Who would they choose? I will not be surprise with their answers. Yes, perhaps I ballooned into a huge bubble filled with jealousy but I have always ignored that green 'slime' just so you know. I have learn to swallow it in because of what my Dad has valuably taught me.
Compare the first time I got to know someone and became close, and compare that to now. Do you see the difference? I am not blaming you at all. If you think that I am blaming you entirely, then I will apologize for that.
I am just saddened by how this whole relationship evolved into something that I can barely recognise.
Sigh.
Guys don't express much but that does not mean I don't care.
It is to the point that I must seek a "slot" for me to open up more.
Just take Saturday for instance. You were there. So, don't tell me you don't notice anything.
Well, most of the time, it seems like a mirage. It is illusionary, without substance or reality.
So, do you see how pathetic my relationship with them are right now?
I thought we're all in this together. Together with the rest. :\
I don't know how much more I can vomit this all out, but if after all of these have been read and you still feel nothing, then I am sticking to my stand. Because this is going on and on (which you would probably have noticed), not because I initiated and always wanting it to go my way, BUT it is all because I am a person.
A person with feelings.
I can never stress this out much more.
I have never talked this out to anybody but myself.
Analyse the people around me. The people I always hang out with. I do open up to them, but in such situations, I don't because I feel awfully uncomfortable. I do blog it out but how much can a blog do? It is just a platform to store thoughts and mere words. A blog can't talk to me and suggest alternatives. A blog can't give a pat on my shoulders and say it is going to be alright.
I am breaking down just typing this out. Because my feelings/words are all converted into a silent note the moment it reaches their ear drums. No matter how significant it becomes.
To many, just ask them (And I mean anybody). Between you and me. Who would they choose? I will not be surprise with their answers. Yes, perhaps I ballooned into a huge bubble filled with jealousy but I have always ignored that green 'slime' just so you know. I have learn to swallow it in because of what my Dad has valuably taught me.
Compare the first time I got to know someone and became close, and compare that to now. Do you see the difference? I am not blaming you at all. If you think that I am blaming you entirely, then I will apologize for that.
I am just saddened by how this whole relationship evolved into something that I can barely recognise.
Sigh.
Guys don't express much but that does not mean I don't care.
It is to the point that I must seek a "slot" for me to open up more.
Just take Saturday for instance. You were there. So, don't tell me you don't notice anything.
Well, most of the time, it seems like a mirage. It is illusionary, without substance or reality.
So, do you see how pathetic my relationship with them are right now?
I thought we're all in this together. Together with the rest. :\
I don't know how much more I can vomit this all out, but if after all of these have been read and you still feel nothing, then I am sticking to my stand. Because this is going on and on (which you would probably have noticed), not because I initiated and always wanting it to go my way, BUT it is all because I am a person.
A person with feelings.