As a 20 year old, I sometimes feel that it is of my duty to advice the younger generations. Issues pertaining to social life, personal well-being and the welfare of others are just simply some of the things. It always, if not most of the time, come to me as a natural process that when I see something that is not right, I will jump right in and try to mend it before it gets uglier. I don't know, I have tried experimenting it - of which to tie myself down to a chair (not literally) and just shutting both my eyes and ears.

But even after countless attempts of trying to do so, the feat is so hard that I feel helpless and hopeless too. I questioned myself time and time again, so what if I managed to release myself from that torture? What's my next move? That is where the problem lies. I can say all the ideal things, but words are just embellishments. It's like a pot of flowers. I can decorate the pot (or a vase for that matter) with all the different exotic flowers but what is really keeping the flowers together is the pot (or vase). I direct my attention more to my words than to the actions that will be taken in the near future.

I hate myself to see that someone whom I might have known for many years is changing. Yes, it is all part and parcel of growing up. But reality is, the "growing up" process will have to stop somewhere. And when it stops, it is only then that it will define the person's real personality. I call it the maturity stage. Yet again, maturity has many different levels. The tolerable ones, and of course and definitely, the intolerable ones. Correct me if I am wrong but I am establishing this basis from what I have seen with my own eyes. I am human, and we humans observe. If we weren't observant, we will not have fire. Neither would we have clean water or have built the tallest buildings in the world.

And why exactly do I hate myself? Because I feel that I am not doing enough to make the person realise. Or assist them when there is a huge cloud hovering above them. And when I have seen the change, it is only due that regret would come knocking on my door. Then, I will start questioning myself once more.

"What have I done?"
"If only I offered help when I knew something was wrong".

But I guess regrets are the only driving factor (ok, maybe not) that made me want to do more. Put it this way, to learn from past experiences. The only way to make it better is to learn from it. At this point, I personally feel there are many obstacles. You know those Japanese game shows? It is both equally hard and ridiculous all at the same time. I know I can overcome them, but unknowingly realise that it is harder than I thought. The time I have drifted away only create ample time for the "Japanese" to create more obstacles. The next thing I know, there is this sudden awkwardness. By then, my target would be standing on the horizon.

I just want it to be like before. Where there aren't any awkwardness.

I'd still believe that I am able to make that difference. Only time will tell because right now, it seems all too late.


I am not so sure what is my purpose of writing this post, but I'm sure you're able to find the connections reading it. If you're able to relate, then kudos to you.

More updates later in the evening, if I get the chance to.
Cheers!