Today, I turn a year older. Despite that, like I have said, it is just another normal day. I won't ask much this time round. Today, I also realised that as I get older, life gets tougher and that includes decision-making. And I comfort myself through a subconscious reminder saying this is just the beginning.

I shall remind myself today is the day I was brought into this world with a purpose. I guess what Mom has been saying all these while is true. I have stepped into adulthood where parents' consent is not compulsory. And that would mean I need to start standing, and begin running on my own. Through a journey I call 'Life'.

To all who have wished me (via whatever means possible), I really appreciate it. To those who have not, don't force yourself. I'll be fine. Just approve of my favour to be in your hearts the moment you read this. If I could make one wish right now, I would want to improve on myself better. May Allah provide me with the courage and the will to be better. Amin.

Oh yeah, to side-track a little, I also have this thing about lack of food in rural countries. The next time you see a plate of ________ (insert food) that you don't like because it lacks flavour, salt or quantity, remind yourself of the poor little ones who are not even blessed with even proper food to eat. I feel extremely sad when I see these kids battling each day with hunger. To them, poverty is not one of their options. It is their livelihood. So each time when I (or you) sit down at the table with a platter of really good food or even the simple Fish & Chips, I know I am extremely blessed to be where I am. Yup, that is one simple wish that I wish from me to you.

To any that has been greeted by disappointment, I am truly sorry (you know who you are). Though the overwhelming guilt is really taking over despite the better options being laid out right in front of me. And I repeat, I will be fine. I'll make it up to you when I am less tied down with options. It makes thinking a whole lot easier that way.

My plans for today? To be with my family.
To end this off, happy 21st to me.

Yesterday, I had another episode with my Mom. All I wanted was to freaking use the car. And as usual, she will give every possible reason in the whole wide world to not allow me use the car. Trust me, I am super sick of it. I just don't understand my Mom sometimes. I help around at home with the chores. I try to complete every single request/favour without giving excuses and what do I get in return? A small freaking favour to use the car is as if I'm gonna crash the car and die in it. Come to think of it, I'd rather experience that than to stand one day listening to my Mom's "creative" excuses.

Up to this day, I have absolutely no idea why I need to ask my Mom for permission. My Dad will willingly pass me the keys and a few questions asked by him is normal because it is out of concern. I respect that. But what is stopping him passing the keys to me is, well you've guessed it, my Mom. I have secretly asked my Dad for the keys on one occasion but still it failed. You see, my Mom is like a secret agent/spy. She has her ways to know that the car is not in the parking lot. And she'll end up confronting my Dad. Dad doesn't like it when my Mom complains or "whines" at him. I'd say like father, like son.

On another occasion, Mom actually GAVE me the permission to use the car. Dad was out at that time and the car was available for use cos' his friend gave him a ride. While I was out, Dad reached home. My Mom confronted my Dad and started making noises. I reached home, Dad started questioning and I told him the full story. I was just as confused as my Dad was.

I don't understand it at all! The car belongs to Dad. Dad paid for the car. Dad pays for the petrol. Dad pays for the season parking. Dad pays for the parking coupons. Dad pays for the parking charges. Dad pays for the road tax. Dad pays for the insurance. Dad even pays for the air freshener in the car! So what right does it give for my Mom to disallow me to use the car? IF there is AT LEAST one thing in the car that Mom pays for (a major component) then I am more than willing to keep my mouth shut and respect her decision.

For the past few times I have used the car, I, without hesitating, would pump petrol with my own money to AT LEAST half even when the meter is above the quarter mark. It is because I am allowed to use the car, I took the responsibility to contribute. I even bought a personal cashcard using my hard-earned money for use!

So anyway, why the picture above? It is these times that I wished I have the money to get my own car. Well, I am going to buy my own car someday and no one will be allowed to drive it, especially youknowho. Subject to approval.

I don't care if I've gathered sins from venting an entry like this. At least I have let my feelings out. It is really making me sick.

I'm pissed.

I am not too sure if I am subconsciously doing it or am I just forcing myself. I realised that the past few days, I have been eating less. On top of that, I have been drinking lots of plain water and other healthy things. For example, I bought two cups of yogurt yesterday and finished it in less than 15 minutes, just so it could make me full. I have also been eating smaller proportions, and eating fruits (apples on one occasion, and papayas). The food I eat now is of a healthier choice (at least the healthiest I am able to get my hands on while eating out). I know this is a drastic change to my body and I am quite surprised that I am able to adapt to it. Less junk food has made me less lethargic - maybe it is just psychology :/

My mind's also tuned to do mini work-outs while at home and the dying urge to go for a run is burning. The rain ruined my plan of going for an evening jog but thinking about it, running in the drizzle would be quite an experience. Though the possibility of falling sick is high, I kinda like the idea of the cold breeze passing through me while I'm running. Shall see how later on.

Why am I so health-conscious all of a sudden?
Goal: I wanna weigh at least 5 kilograms less.

National Service is gonna knock on my door somewhere in the last quarter of this year. So all these is to mentally and physically prepare myself. Keeping myself fit now is afterall an investment isn't it? Wouldn't want to be greeted with all sorts of diagnose and sickness in future.

Are YOU gonna kick in those healthy regimes?
Start now.

Cheers!

I am not a huge believer of Astrology and how horoscopes that derived from it is shaping what we are. Sometimes you would feel that the horoscope knows you better than you know yourself and you go "Oh man, how did it know?". Scary much? In this naive world and wild perceptions, we choose to believe what these horoscopes say. On the bright side, I guess it can help provide that little boost and arrive at the point of realisation - Which I am very sure most of us faces that all the time *winks*

(Note: I don't know how much of the above I've mentioned is making sense, but this is 1st hand raw thoughts that is jamming up in my head)

For example, today's horoscope "Your family is much more important to you today". Little sister went on her school trip to Korea and that sentence just gave me a little pinch. Today, I realised that no matter how annoying you are to a certain family member (in this case my little sister), you will always love him/her even more. Before sister went into the transit area, family exchanged goodbyes with her and *salam-ed (to kiss an elder person's hand in the Muslim culture). Sister then started crying and all. I was heartbroken to see her cry honestly cos I know she will miss the family back at home, as much as we will be missing her.

It was then that Dad started commenting - "It is only these times that you kids will start to realise how much you will miss us (parents) when you are away far or vice versa. Taking our presence for granted back at home". Received another blow and it totally made me realise deeper. Then on, I started to appreciate the people around me even greater.

Even after sister had gone into the transit area, I gave her a call telling her to be careful and more importantly have fun. Left a message after the call: "Bye, take care! :D Saranghaeyo!" I love my sister even more now, and missing her badly. Awwww... Can you feel the love? Haha!

I know it's going to be a long way to go still. But I wonder how it will be when she gets married. I can't possibly hold on to her. It's the period of letting go that is going to be hard. Hopefully by then, I am mentally prepared for it. For now, all I am concern is to hold the responsibility of shaping her - to be a better person. I want to see her succeed in life.

That's gonna be the end of my ultra random entry.
Cheers!

Believe it or not, I have been at home since Thursday. I barely stepped out of the house. Though there were meet-ups with the usual bunch of friends, somehow I chose to decline them. Either I woke up late and got lazy, or I just don't want to end up spending (I've been extra economical recently).

Although I have decided to stay at home, I am still puzzled by the things that are happening around me. Family got back from their getaway on Friday. I was 'promised' by Mom that we were going to head out for dinner. But as soon as they got back home, that promise was never fulfilled. Instead, there was this weird aura coming from everyone and I knew something was not right.

And as I have guessed, my parents got into an argument. Mom told me to get food on my own at the coffee shop across my house but by then, I was not in the mood to even eat. I have yet to ask my sister about what exactly happened because I wasn't there. But if you know me, I hate it when my parents argue. I don't really quite understand, but the content of what caused the fight is not there at all. Instead something totally unrelated will pop out from nowhere. And honestly, I find it utterly childish.

So now, each time when I'm with Dad and Mom comes along, I'll be in this awkward situation. Truth is, when fight happens, I don't take sides. I'd try to be neutral and sometimes I find it such a shame that they have to be blunt with their words and heat up the argument further. And when the argument gets heated, we siblings get dragged inside as well. I have low tolerance level for that.

Like any other arguments, I really hope that this is just temporary. I don't usually blog about my family problems in here but sometimes I need to pen it down. I don't talk to my siblings about this. I don't really talk to my friends, even to my closest friends about this because all everyone could say is just to be patient and it will all get better. So I guess this blog is just another place for me to pen things down.

I know somehow or another a relative will be reading this, and I seek understanding from whoever to just stay out of it. I know your help is honest and sincere, but I don't really quite like a third party getting involved. It will just make the situation uglier, as far as my family is concerned.

I just want it to be how it was 8 days ago, before they left for their getaway.
Soon, I hope.

As a 20 year old, I sometimes feel that it is of my duty to advice the younger generations. Issues pertaining to social life, personal well-being and the welfare of others are just simply some of the things. It always, if not most of the time, come to me as a natural process that when I see something that is not right, I will jump right in and try to mend it before it gets uglier. I don't know, I have tried experimenting it - of which to tie myself down to a chair (not literally) and just shutting both my eyes and ears.

But even after countless attempts of trying to do so, the feat is so hard that I feel helpless and hopeless too. I questioned myself time and time again, so what if I managed to release myself from that torture? What's my next move? That is where the problem lies. I can say all the ideal things, but words are just embellishments. It's like a pot of flowers. I can decorate the pot (or a vase for that matter) with all the different exotic flowers but what is really keeping the flowers together is the pot (or vase). I direct my attention more to my words than to the actions that will be taken in the near future.

I hate myself to see that someone whom I might have known for many years is changing. Yes, it is all part and parcel of growing up. But reality is, the "growing up" process will have to stop somewhere. And when it stops, it is only then that it will define the person's real personality. I call it the maturity stage. Yet again, maturity has many different levels. The tolerable ones, and of course and definitely, the intolerable ones. Correct me if I am wrong but I am establishing this basis from what I have seen with my own eyes. I am human, and we humans observe. If we weren't observant, we will not have fire. Neither would we have clean water or have built the tallest buildings in the world.

And why exactly do I hate myself? Because I feel that I am not doing enough to make the person realise. Or assist them when there is a huge cloud hovering above them. And when I have seen the change, it is only due that regret would come knocking on my door. Then, I will start questioning myself once more.

"What have I done?"
"If only I offered help when I knew something was wrong".

But I guess regrets are the only driving factor (ok, maybe not) that made me want to do more. Put it this way, to learn from past experiences. The only way to make it better is to learn from it. At this point, I personally feel there are many obstacles. You know those Japanese game shows? It is both equally hard and ridiculous all at the same time. I know I can overcome them, but unknowingly realise that it is harder than I thought. The time I have drifted away only create ample time for the "Japanese" to create more obstacles. The next thing I know, there is this sudden awkwardness. By then, my target would be standing on the horizon.

I just want it to be like before. Where there aren't any awkwardness.

I'd still believe that I am able to make that difference. Only time will tell because right now, it seems all too late.


I am not so sure what is my purpose of writing this post, but I'm sure you're able to find the connections reading it. If you're able to relate, then kudos to you.

More updates later in the evening, if I get the chance to.
Cheers!

A quick one before I hit the sack. Might be an all-over-the-place entry.

Anyway, Year 3 commences today (in less than 12 hours) and please tell me why the heck I am up at this time updating my blog. Had a rather short day and the moment I got home from dinner with family, the cold hard floor lured me down and I slept within minutes, with Harry Potter [Goblet of Fire] watching me instead! Haha!

Freezing, I realised I was not on my bed. So got up and felt wide-awake and hence, the reason why I am awake still.

Now that holidays are long gone (turning back into reality once more), I am (I think) on my full gear and will give my best (I hope) in this final year. Reason being that I have to pull my GPA back up to above 3.2 (at least) before I graduate (personal achievement).

Timetable's long out and trust me, I will be sucked out of my social life like the black hole. Moving faster than the speed of light.

School shall be top priority. Tutoring will be the other but with the timetable I currently have, I would need to seek advice. Then comes work - I have planned to work at least 4 times a week. I know I am slowly killing myself with the unnecessary, but I am starting to like working at ______. The people there are great and I just can't bear to leave. Plus, I am a part-timer = I'll be able to set the days I can work.

Finally, my social life - with both family and friends. Honestly, I kinda miss hanging out with my Mom (and the others of course) like we used to. In her room, chatting and watching the telly. Since the day I started working, these hangout sessions have been cut down by 80%! Worse than recession! Anyway, family is priority afterall. Oh wait, and friends too *cheers*

Adding on, I will be playing for some wedding gig this Sunday at Shang-Ri La hotel with Phil Winds. Gotten an update from the Saxes there that I can play for their September concert too. So, that is another issue. The rehearsal dates are out and man, I don't see any ME time anywhere in my monthly schedule. Haha! Not forgetting Phil Youth will resume on 16th August - preparing for our end-of-year concert, which I am guessing, will be another energy-zapping concert. The pieces are heavy like siao! But it's music making, which I love.


To conclude this entry, I have pretty much figured right from the start that all I need is time management. I will definitely need guidance along the way since time management has never been my forte.

Off to bed!
Ciao!

I had a really bad day today. Not because I was in some ultra mood swing but due to the patrons of ___________ who don't give a shit or are just trying to give us all a hard time. Bear with me alright? High possibility that I am going to use words that are unpleasant. I'll TRY to refrain from using profanities though. This entry, hence the title, will be rated NC-16.

I encountered two bloody idiotic scenarios during work today.

SCENARIO 1
This group of ignorant punk asses and bitches came over to my counter buying six movie tickets in total (you would probably have guessed where I am working now). So, being students, I charged them $6. When I told them that it would $36 in total, they insisted that I should do separate transactions for EACH ticket. I got rather confused. Here's what I could remember:

Me: Alright, so it's 6 tickets to Harry Potter for 5.40pm show ya? That will be $36 please.
Bitch A: Oh, no. Can we pay separately? As in you do one ticket at a time?
Me: Ummmm, can I charge all in one transaction and have you giving me $36 one shot so that it will make your life much easier and hence, less waiting to do?
Bitch A: Oh. But can't you do one ticket at a time?
Idiot C: Yeah! It is just the same as we each queue for one ticket in a row.
Bitch B: Besides, we have no small change. We have like $10 each.

While that was happening, I noticed the queue was getting longer and longer because of the other patrons who wished to purchase their tickets too. I was trying not to lose it and hence I went THEIR way since the customer is always right.

So I did the transaction one by one. And somehow along the way it got rather confusing. They wanted to pay individually. But this pair made it all more confusing.

Try not to get confused along the way.

Person A bought ONE ticket.
Person B paid A for ONE MORE TICKET.
I gave them both the ticket but instead Person C who paid A took B's ticket - when I printed only 2 tickets. I told them, "It would not matter since all of you are sitting together"
And they had this fuss about, "No, I want it to be with him"

I was already fuming mad so I put down the tickets, told them to wait and called my manager to help me out with the ignorant brats. You see, we need to be careful when it comes to the complicating transactions. Because if we're short of money at the end of the day, we are the ones paying for it. If it does not tally with the records the system has, we would have a hard time settling it.

I did not at all mind the one-transaction-at-a-time, but what pisses me off was the way they approached their mode of payment. Why can't they forward $40 and I will give a separate change for it? Makes their life much easier and ultimately MY life much easier.

So KIDS, when you are going to the movies, please bloody THINK and LET US HAVE AN EASIER TIME than to be so bitchy about it and think that our service is bad.

I swore I would have told them off. Well, I did but in a nice way of course.

"Alright, settle ah? To avoid any confusion in future, don't give us a hard time by making us do one ticket at a time and having all of you confusing us with the money and who gets which ticket."

Trust me, the money was in a whole lot of mess. They were even fighting over whose ticket shall be next and the shit continues. Bloody hell. But one good was that they apologized. I replied sincerely, "Nah it's alright, just take note of it next time" <--- I am serious. No bullshit.

Moving on.....

SCENARIO 2
This Malay uncle was 3rd in line on my counter. Do take note that the counter I am serving is only for TICKETING ONLY.

RULE #1: If any customer would want to buy food from the ticketing ONLY counter, we will either direct them to another counter which sells food and drinks OR direct them to our mini-bar.
RULE #2: If there isn't any long queue, we can actually take their order and serve them before the next crowd comes.
RULE #3: If they really insist (during peak hours), we will need to take their order and have it delivered to their seats.

SO, this ignorant uncle was 3rd in line followed by a long queue behind him. When it was his turn, he vomited his order to me like I am some voice-detector machine.

I told him politely, "Sir, this is only for ticketing. Food and beverages can be bought over at counter 3 and 4, or alternatively you can make your purchases at our mini-bar upstairs."
The uncle was in a slight shock and said "Oh, sorry".

After a while, I managed to clear the line and got to my last customer (Customer Z) for that moment. Customer Z wanted to purchase food and drinks. Following RULE #2, I took his order and gave him his food. While scooping the popcorn which is in between counter 3 and 4, the uncle came from nowhere and blasted "YOU SAID YOUR COUNTER IS ONLY FOR TICKETING, why are YOU serving food to them?"

I told him POLITELY, "That is because tadi ade queue panjang. Skarang tak ade queue so I can afford to take food orders" (Translated: That is because there was a long queue just now. Now that there aren't any queue, I can afford to take food orders)

And he bloody hell gave me a disgusted smirk and said "Ah, whatever ah" and gave his order to my colleague on my LEFT.

While scooping the popcorn into the popcorn bag for my customer, I gave comments to my colleague who was standing on my RIGHT in that pissed off tone in front of that idiotic uncle (Without him noticing it of course!)

SERIOUSLY, THESE KIND OF IGNORANT CUSTOMERS OUGHT TO BE SHOT IN THE HEAD. I have encountered many more strange and "pisses-me-off" situations but I shall leave that for another time. This two scenario particularly ticked me off today badly.


Just so you know, I am a good customer okay. I treat the person serving me like how I would want to be served. And if it was really a bad service they are giving, then I would not go to that extend of trying to be that suck-up-I-am-the-holy-King kind of person.

So PEOPLE, we (at least I am) are always giving our 150% when it comes to customer service. Please be a good customer and stop being obnoxious if you are one. You would not survive a day if you were to be in our shoes; I can bet you.

Alright, I am done for now. And for the record, I like doing customer service because the feeling of being appreciated by the customer and them enjoying my good service has got no price tag to it. It is a good feeling of course! Seeing him or her smile leaving the counter is what I set out to achieve to every customer I attend to.

I better get going.
Ciao!

Often, we tend to look at things from the surface. As the idiom goes, never judge a book by its cover. Despite the mistakes, we are after all human beings. It would be radical to say that everyone is perfect.

The greatness in a person's heart can only be measured if we take notice. Though we can be ignorant at times, it is the small little things that make us appreciate the person better. The greatness, however, will shine through - piercing through any being that appreciates lesser.

In the human mind, as complicating as it already is, the theory of being a close-knit member in any relationship is defined as just a close-knit member. It would take a whole lot effort for one to realise that being a close-knit member is more than being close. Being there physically is just a quarter of it.

I am blessed that I have a Dad who is more than just a close-knit member. I have always understood his approach when it comes to parenting. Most Dads (Okay, maybe I am stereotyping) would provide the tools and allow us to execute it without being told. As for mine, he neither provides the tools nor the direction. In other words, being independent in whatever situation is what we are taught - indirectly that is. We, as in my siblings including me, would only seek for the tools from Dad only in desperate times.

Being independent taught me a great deal of responsibility, which I try to uphold time and time again. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't. Learning from failure is just one of the life lessons that we're indirectly being taught.

Dads are usually the man behind the scenes. The things they have done for us, but are not credited for. Dads, most of the time, will not ask for anything in return. Being humble is a way to avoid arrogance. Or sometimes, being humble is just a way to show that whatever it's been done comes from the heart.

As quiet as my Dad is, I know that he would always want to best out of us in whatever we do. I am not implying that my Dad does not care, but the moment he starts giving advices, as simple or short as it sounds, it would make us think for days.

As we get older, we tend to drift away from our parents even more. Knowing that they have done so much for me, I always turn the wheel around. Striking random conversations with my Dad makes me feel good actually.

Today being Father's Day, I hope it would remind us of how great our respective Dads are. Remind us of how much they have done for us. Having to work long hours (or even extra hours) just to pay the bills, and the many other things.

Appreciate them more if you have not.
Show them that they have raised you well.
Love them like how all parents would shower their love over their children.

After all, as much as all of us are trying to avoid, our time with them are getting shorter and shorter. Appreciate them now before it is all too late.

With that, I would like to wish my Dad a Happy Father's Day. Of course, it does not take just this day for us to be reminded of all the things our respective Dads have done for us.

And I am not shy to say the following, I LOVE MY DAD!

Khai

Greetings!

I am declaring that my immune system is officially down. I was doing my hardcore revision just as I got back from studying at Macs with Finah and Nina, and my nose started acting up on me. Actually, it started acting up the moment I got up from sleep in the morning till I got home few hours ago; which gradually gotten worst.

I have pulled out a total of 22 pieces of tissue (Yes! I counted!) as of 10:30 pm on May 4th, 2009 (HAHA!). 13 pieces alone within two hours. I shall presume that it is because of my irregular timing of sleep. I hope it's just a common flu. I do not want to be quarantined at home (or being isolated in a room; losing all physical contact of the outside world).

You know, my fear is that I am not allowed to enter the examination room should my temperature exceeds the quoted temperature. Since after the H1N1 epidemic broke out, Singapore has been taking heavy precautionary measures to ensure that the H1N1 virus will not spread further here. Yup, and that would be my greatest fear - not having my temperature or heat emission taken down/ scanned, but the fear of not being able to sit for my papers!

So, determined to prevent all of these from happening, I shall be a good boy and have plenty of rest. I need to recover as soon as possible because it is affecting my revision. Not that I have not revised enough lately, I have, but I need that extra revision to drive myself forward so that I am confident to sit for my paper.

I wish myself a speedy recovery!

7th May here I come!
Oh! Speaking of which, it seems to be a rather significant date in my family.

1. Final written assessment and that will wrap up my Year 2.
   
2. Farah's (younger sister) last paper for Mid-Year Examinations.
   
3. Mom's driving test.
4. Eldest brother's first day of his new job.

I better hit the sack now and hopefully when I wake up, it will be a better day for me and my health.

Cheers!

I cannot stand the fact that whenever I am out, I will bump to at least one under-aged smoker. That kind of sight makes me sick. Nothing against smokers but to stand like a bouncer at a club, with that filthy stick in between your fingers like you own this bloody world is plain annoying. I will not hesitate to have my say each time I were to pass by one. Trust me, I give no mercy with my words.

Funny though that there are some who puffs unnaturally and end up making a fool out of themselves.

The ultimate turn offs: Barely legal young adults in school uniform puffing their way out in public.

Stop being a poseur. Stop thinking that smoking is cool. Stop thinking that smoking will make you any greater in person. Because the matter of fact is, you're just a small little puny kid. Stop acting like you are a friggin' grown up. Sheeesh!

I should sign up and be a NEA Officer. Than I can catch those posuers and bring them to the higher authority. Muahahahaha!


And.... Don't ask me about the song. Feeling nostalgic.
Ummm, nice song nevertheless.

Man am I pissed.
I am very pissed with my media player.
WinAmp got screwed and it can't detect any songs from my folders.
& Windows Media Player is in an utter mess!

If you know me well, I do not like to have my media player unorganized.
Ugh.

I need to have a few gadgets to satisfy my music needs.

Goodness gracious.

I spent more than 12 hours (in fact, 15 hours!) outside of home today!
Feeling extremely worn out at the moment.

But honestly, it has been long since I spend my Saturday like how I did today.
The continuous laughs and talks with great company from the guys.
LAN gaming. Food.
And just take a step slower and enjoy the breeze of good music.
This, can't get any better aye? Hah!

I will probably spend my Sunday at home.
Have that full good rest and simply to re-engergize myself.

So, an update when I have recover from this 'fatigue'.
Gonna dive straight into bed and "restore" myself.

Ciao!

(Pardon me for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Don't really bother to re-edit it)

I have been dreaming about really weird things these past few days.
And somehow, everything came all at once.

I will then end up seating at the edge of my bed, not knowing what to feel.
It gushes so vibrantly in my dream that when I am thrown back into reality,
all I feel is different shades of gray.


Please Mr Sandman, not another one tonight.

I got so bored that I decided to flush whatever that was on my mind and convert it into visuals. This is the first time that I have decided to have my drawings scanned and publish it on my blog. Going to keep this entry short and simple.

What caused me to draw such images?